Autumn crisp. The glow and fade. The change and color. The leaves dance before they die. Little tiny reminders…
Winter Brisk. The scent of her perfume is still in your scarf from the last time you kissed. The night and the day show no difference. Haunted and reflective. Careful steps on your walk home. Liqour or coffee?
Spring Enlarge. Pink. God’s confirmation. Congratulations. Was it that hard? You gain more for your time lost right? The blinking eyes of the awakening.The tears from a hard yawn.
Summer… Abundance of time. Not enough blood for the go though. Day glow. Embossed and glossy. Sweet taste and pugent stench. Sadness can still greet you, it just plays to brighter music. Hot and dense. Beautiful as ever. Tortured and happy. How we lie to ourselves.
But time passes. The pieces we leave of ourselves litter our steps. The words burned in our memories.
The words burned in our honour. Our lives the remains of the constant change. Seasons.
Summer is upon us. A silent pressure lies within me I can’t help but entertain it. It as well as the other thoughts, wants, and needs. I’m in a million places at once sitting still. I wish I was at a backyard get together with all of my friends. I wish I was traveling on road trip or on a plane. I need to secure finances for the next few months into the next season. I want to go on a date with one woman out of all the women in the whole fucking city and the shit clicks. But at this particular moment I want to be elsewhere…….
these women are full of shit…..
Mental exhaustion + Physical exhaustion = a very stern fuck you. I’m seriously running on fumes everything from home life to my job, and let’s not forget that ever so deceitful mother fucker the past. I’ve just about had it. I lived through, and continue to live through some terrible situations. I wake up everyday fighting for my future. I can still see the world in color, but everything is just a little more pointless now, a little more irritating. I watch the news, I’m in the public, and all I see is the bullshit that pours from people’s souls. Racial agenda, gay agenda, anti-gay agenda, religious agenda, atheist agenda, what Love is, what beauty is, what good is. Everybody swears they’re right. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! I’m sick of the bullshit. Fuck you and your thoughts and your supercilliousness, your store bought righteousness. Am I being hypocritical by posting my personal views and saying what I said? No see…anybody else’s opinion more than likely is stated under the facade of not looking for validation, but we all know that’s a damn lie. I genuinely don’t care if you get my point. To be quite honest it’s all pointless.,why? Because of the fact we’re entitled to our own point of view. In knowing that My rebuttal to your rebuttal is still a starched and pressed….Fuck You! I know I’m not being heard really. This is the ambient buzz you hear in complete silence. Things aren’t going to change because I wrote and posted this. That’s acceptable. I’m just making something that was alive in my mind semi tangible. My psychological cigarette ( I quit smoking by the way 4 months now) Whether you listened or heard or ignored have a good one…..
About who and where I was 10 years ago. In reality not much has changed. The base of who I was is still here. I’m still full of thoughts and things only I find funny. I still don’t really feel youthful, but glad that I’m still young enough to make things correct. I’m not bitter. I still think about what my wife and children will look like, but then I think about my exes or these sloppy ass hoes being all willy nilly with their pussy Just fucking anybody because they’re in their youth blah blah blah, then I think about being single for a long ass time. I think about how to finalize my dreams, and bring them to fruition. I try not to kill myself in thought or be afraid, but that shit is hard. 10 years past and yeah there are a million things different. I’ve had a bunch of new experiences good and bad, and I have a lifetime more. But it’s moments like these where It’s early in the morning, I have music in my ears, and I’m gone. That never has changed and I ain’t mad at that.